No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
