dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
