Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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