weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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