I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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