Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
