The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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