I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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