idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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