I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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