actually, I'm a sock model
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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