the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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