I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
