I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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