Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The adults are the big ones right?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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