True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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