all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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