6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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