News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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