just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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