Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
