dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
