K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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