We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Life is so much better after having sex.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
