i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
