Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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