The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
