it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
