I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I am spending my child support on dildos
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
