i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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