Cold hands, warm shart.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
