hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
