VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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