She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Mom said you looked used
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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