Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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