are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
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i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
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I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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