dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
