Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
