That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Randomize
