You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
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I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
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Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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