yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
