She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
