All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
