i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
