Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
