Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
