ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
