Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
