it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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