Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
