i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
