my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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