She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
