can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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