I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
