NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
