either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
