some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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