I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
