That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
