Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
