"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
