My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
